


The Difficult Daughter

by bisexualreina



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dana Scully, mother daughter, post "william"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualreina/pseuds/bisexualreina
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	The Difficult Daughter

Maggie and Dana Scully had never seen completely eye to eye. It wasn’t anything too serious, but there was a tension there that Dana had her troubles with. She felt an undeniable pressure placed on her from the moment she could formulate a coherent memory. Being the second youngest of the family she just wished that she could fall back into the shadows and slip out of the light in the eyes of her mother. Bill had excelled at everything, from school to summer jobs, to finding the perfect woman and marrying her right out of school, Melissa being the second oldest, was highly praised, but her mother’s worry was often sourced at her eldest daughter who was diagnosed with type one diabetes at ten years old, Dana having to be her secret keeper even at the young age of six. Charlie was another story, drifting in and out, causing enough trouble for all four of them, leaving Dana as the solid foundation of their family, feeling quite mediocre in the eyes of her mother.

_“Our Dana, so easy, we’d be losing our minds without at least one leveled child.”_ Was what her mother would always sigh dreamily whenever family members would comment on the sheer size of the Scully family.

There was never any glaring issues that she felt with her father, that came later as career paths came into conversation, but he was still loving, and she felt that there weren’t any other things that stood between Starbuck and Ahab, regardless of their strained relationship. 

With Maggie it was harder. There was no doubt that Dana loved her mother, and that she loved her in return, but there was always a resentment that festered in her chest with her. There were days when she just wanted to be heard and cared by her mother without any of the sharp tongued judgements that followed. She would share her doubts and feelings with Melissa, letting her older sister take that place of a loving confidante, but soon even she was taken from her, and Scully felt more alone than ever in her large, boorish family.

When she had found herself riddled with illness she had no dire urge to pick up the phone and call Maggie out of fear of worrying her, and the need for some self contemplation, but had received an even more explosive outburst in her hospital room, leaving the both of them in tears. Scully felt at war with herself, she couldn’t win with her, so often times she kept her head down and bit her tongue, just to keep the peace between her and her mother.

Maggie had always wanted grandchildren, and when Bill ultimately delivered on that she had dragged Dana across the country with her to bask in the presence of the newest Scully child, utterly disappointed with her youngest daughter who wasn’t as elated as she had imagined. Scully had wanted to be a present and loving aunt to Christopher, but her own personal losses seemed too much to bear, and the pain that she felt knowing Maggie couldn’t understand made her want to just curl up and scream. She grieved Emily in private, along with the loss of her own biological capabilities that she now wanted more than ever, it was just easier that way.

When she found herself pregnant with her first son, she was elated for personal reasons, but also at the small satisfaction that she had finally done something right in the eyes of her mother. She knew she had always been proud of her, that she was impressed with the work she had been doing on her own, but Scully knew that Maggie couldn’t play with, and change, and hold accomplishments, and that her prying nature made her mother believe that this was indeed the product of her daughter and her devilishly handsome partner of hers.

William’s arrival had been sudden and unforeseen, preventing Maggie from being present, something that Dana had begrudgingly agreed to after a tearful plea from her mother, reminder her that she would have nobody else if not her. She had been sore, nauseated, and completely exhausted when Maggie showed up to her home hours after Monica had driven her back from the hospital. She had been courteous to the tall brunette who had made herself busy in the kitchen in order to give both mother and daughter privacy. 

Dana had been content with her son in her arms, not wanting to give him up to visitors quite yet, Mulder and Monica being the only exceptions, for obvious reasons, but she knew her mother would not abide by that and reluctantly handed her squirming infant over.

She wanted to take in the moment as her mother pursed her lips and bounced her son at a rate that was far too aggressive than what she was comfortable with, but she could sense her mother’s tension. She refused to make the first move, to try and ease the tension with a comment, knowing that it would just rile her up, but her exhausted sigh did the job instead.

“You could have called. I would’ve met you. Dana you are my only daughter and I missed the birth of your first child.” Maggie bit off, her tone much more confrontational than she had been expecting. She knew Maggie would be bummed that she missed it, but she wasn’t expecting the sheer anger that was coming out, and Dana’s hormone riddled body couldn’t take the harshness, making tears flood her swollen eyes.

“It wasn’t my plan, he was in danger and I had to get out of here.” She cried softly, but her mother seemed to just shake her head in what seemed so unfathomable in this moment, _disappointment._ She seemed angry and bitter, and had completely forgot about the loving little baby cuddled in her arms, more focused on her decisions, than his physical presence. Dana just brushed it off, too tired to focus too much on what her mother was saying, also out of pure fear of sobbing her eyes out in front of the older woman. It had been a stressful day for everyone, apparently for her mother as well, and she prayed that this would be their only squabble regarding her son.

Her wishes did not last however.

Dana found herself numb as she stood at Maggie’s doorstep, her shirt damp from her engorged, leaking breasts, her son had been adopted out and she felt like breaking into millions of pieces. She had nowhere to go, and couldn’t be by herself, so she found herself making the half hour drive to her mother’s house, a broken woman this time.

Maggie had been worried when she pulled the door open to find her daughter on the brink of a mental collapse, without her grandson that she had come to love so dearly. She eagerly pulled her inside and began demanding where William was at such a late hour, whether or not Dana had inadvertently put him in harms way. Scully knew that Maggie didn’t fully trust or understand her parenting, and now she feared the worst, squeezing her eyes shut as she pushed away her questions.

Her chest ached more than it ever had, more than the day Melissa had taken her last breath without her by her side, more than putting her beloved partner in the ground after finding his battered body, this was indescribable. She found a sofa and fell into it, finally releasing her sob that she had been holding back for hours, squeezing his hat that she hadn’t let go of, with all of her might. Maggie was terrified now. She knew the baby blues ran in her family, hell her bout of it with Charlie had nearly driven her to insanity, and she worried that Dana had succumb to it being all on her own in that tiny little apartment, and done something horrible.

“I gave him up, mom.” Dana cried, her voice almost inaudible to the woman who now towered over her daughter, trying to make sense of what she had just said. She released a nervous chuckle and slid beside her, tilting her head in confusion.

“Dana, that’s not funny.” She scoffed, but Scully just pulled back farther into herself as her tears fell in blubbering sheets, wailing in complete anguish over her son. She cupped her mouth to try and conceal the sounds of her tears, but Maggie just stared in complete shock.

“Why on Earth would you do something so stupid?” Was all Maggie could offer, her words coming out of left field, cold and reserved, slamming an already wrecked Scully, causing her to look up at her mother who just stared at her in frozen disbelief, not an ounce of sympathy left in the woman.

“What?” Was all she could manage, her chest heaving as she struggled for air, now furious at herself for coming home in the first place, for losing her composure in the presence of her mother who wouldn’t understand the pure anguish that she was going through. 

“If he was too much to handle then you should’ve called me! Kids are huge responsibility, I know, Dana, I had four of them! But they are _our_ responsibility as parents to take even the hard parts!” She cried, her words making Scully flinch and squeeze her watery eyes shut.

“What you did was legal and serious, do you have any idea of what you’ve done!” Maggie chastised, the volume and tone raising as she ranted to her daughter who just stared on in disbelief. She knew this was heavy information to process, but she needed some tenderness, just a shred of it to feel somewhat sane as she tried to grieve the loss of her baby boy.

“Mom, it’s more complicated, he was going to be in so much danger if I kept him.” Was all Scully could muster, her words still coming out forced and pained as she curled her feet under herself, still trying to bear with the separation anxiety that she was facing as she sent her son off into the world without her.

“Then you should’ve called up Fox and told him that whatever charade he was doing is done and to come back home! What you were doing was impossible, of course it drove you to such a dumb and impulsive decision like this!” Her words hostile towards both Scully and Mulder as she paced the carpet of her living room, making Dana flinch with each word flying out of her mouth. She couldn’t take much more of it and she feared for what else Maggie had to say about this difficult decision she had been faced with.

“Please stop yelling at me.” She cried into her hand, feeling the tears dripping off her chin and onto the pillow that she hadn’t even realized that she was holding, clutching it close to her chest to try and keep her grounded. Maggie stopped and stared at her youngest daughter, a momentary wave of sympathy washing over her as both women just stared at each other, waiting for a word of comfort.

“Oh Dana…” She cried, taking her spot once more before finally clutching her hand, but Scully just sat nervously as her mother tried to comfort her, such a sharp contrast from just seconds before.

“Was my help not enough?” Maggie cried, the comment making Dana’s heart drop. She just slipped her hand away and slowly rose to her feet, ignoring her mother’s protests before making her way to the front door, in almost a trance like state.

“Dana…hon why don’t you just stay here? You can drive home in the morning?” Maggie called, but Scully just ignored her shouts, unlocking the door before turning back to her mother who was now behind her. 

“I love you mom, but I just can’t be with you tonight.” She cried, leaning away from Maggie’s insistent touch, unsure of where she would go, who she would turn to, but she couldn’t listen to any more of that. 

She missed Melissa more than anything, any time she’d stare at her precious son, she imagined how dearly she’d love and cherish his aunt, and how much she’d love watching her interact with her nephew. She wished she was here to hold her while she cried, to remind her that her mother meant no harm, that she just struggled with Dana, but she didn’t love her any less.

She felt trapped and completely alone in this decision, her hands trembling as she scurried down the driveway and into her beige car, peeling out of the neighborhood and down the silent street, driving aimlessly.

***  
Scully had been grateful for her little surrogate family that she had created in the past year, and now she found herself on their doorstep. She could feel a fever starting and she feared that she had clogged a duct in her engorged breasts, possibly sparking an infection, but at this moment she didn’t care. The door swung open and Monica stared in shock, clothed in only a tank top and some cotton pajama pants. 

John stood nervously behind her and perked up at the sight of Scully sobbing on their doorstep. The brunette eagerly brought her inside and onto the sofa, John now jogging into the kitchen to heat up some water and a hot water bottle while Monica pulled her closely into her arms.

“I told my mom…” Dana could barely choke out, unable to formulate coherent thoughts as she cried relentlessly. John watched on sadly as his former partner cried into Monica’s chest, draping a blanket over her shoulders. She had expressed her fears of what Maggie might say, and from the looks of it, nothing had gone according to plan, and Dana just needed a minute to grieve.

“I’m so stupid.” Scully cried, her mother’s words lingering as she questioned her motives, if she truly had just taken the easy road out, versus sticking by him. She stood firm on her decision up until the final moment that her son sat in her arms, ignoring the ever present tightening of her chest as the hasty woman scooped him up and away, yanking the bag that she had lovingly packed for him.

She had written him a letter, explaining her choices, only willing to voice them to him and him alone, everyone else was just noise. The woman just took the sealed envelope of love and stuffed it into her already overflowing purse before tossing it into the passenger’s seat. 

She hadn’t cried. It had all felt like too much in the moment, but now she couldn’t stop, feeling like quite the idiot in her own eyes.

“No, you are not stupid, Dana, please know that.” Monica cried, knowing that her mother had probably engrained that feeling deep into her heart. She ached for Dana, that she struggled going to the one person who should’ve comforted her during this unimaginably difficult time.

John carefully dropped the hot water bottle into Dana’s lap before setting a mug of something warm in front of her on the table, taking a seat across from the women silently. 

“I think she hates me. I gave him up- she loved him too.” Scully cried, but Monica had a hard time believing that, her mother wasn’t an evil wench who wished emotional harm to her daughter, but she could tell that she had some issues with perspective.

“She does not hate you. You had an unfair decision that had to be made and you made the best one for yourself and William. She may not understand it, but I can assure you that she doesn’t hate you.” Monica tried to soothe, looking at John before taking another beat.

“But, it is alright to be angry at her right now.” She assured, and right she was, Dana was angry. She was angry that her mother couldn’t hear her struggles for what they were and love her wholly with them. She was angry that her sister was gone to her forever, and that she had lost the one person she trusted with her whole heart. She was furious with herself, for more reasons than one and just needed arms around her. 

She was furious that she was the difficult daughter who just needed to remain compliant and easy for her parents who were juggling ten thousand other things and children. She was flawed and angry and upset with them and didn’t know what to do, but for now she’d stay like this until she felt just a bit better.

She was angry but even then she couldn’t focus on it, she missed her baby, her son, who was now miles and miles away from her, no longer William to the new family that was taking him, lost to her forever.

One day she would explain in all to her mother, but she never knew when or how, but she just knew that tonight it was too much, and that her mother was someone that she couldn’t be around when she was upset, however sad that realization was.

She realized one thing that night, that she loved Margaret Scully, she was her mother and she gave her life, but she didn’t _like_ the way she made her feel. She indeed made her feel stupid, and selfish, and inadequate, and she feared that those sentiments would stick. She needed space and time, and prayed that one day both her and her mother could relish in the memory of William.


End file.
